Last First
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day 859a: They've both known this day was coming, but they really wished it hadn't.


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 40th cycle. Now cycle 41!_

* * *

><p><em><strong>INTRODUCING "CHEAT SHEET" - <strong>If you want to know ahead of time when a certain series will be updated next, just reassemble the link below and check out the list, save it, print it, bookmark it, whatever you need!  
>Go to: <span>gleekathon [dot] tumblr [dot] com [slash] cheatsheet<span>_

* * *

><p><em><strong>This is a shift day [see above].<strong> There will be another upload this afternoon: The Troubletone Incusion, chapter 7 (marked as 5)._

* * *

><p><strong>"Last First"<br>Sam/Mercedes  
>Samcedes Firsts series (following 'First Visit') <strong>

The moment had been growing nearer to them, unspoken and loudening, crawling over their skin, their whole beings, and they couldn't escape… They wanted to push it aside, but it would only constrict them further, force them to come to that conclusion: they couldn't keep going, not like this… not apart, which was to say… not together. The longer they put it off, the harder it got, but the closer they got, the more they clung to everything that was still good between them.

Going and making the trip would have seemed the right thing to do, for both of them. With the kind of thing they needed to discuss, it would have felt like the decent thing to do to be face to face, but then there was this distance, this damned distance. Whoever made that trip, no matter the outcome, had to be ready to carry that outcome back with them. Either way, this was never going to be a good memory. They could say they still hoped, but it was so faint now.

Maybe that day they'd known, that it was time to face up to it, because somehow they had both texted one another at more or less the same time, saying they had to talk. Halfway… They'd both thought it, both offered it, so that was what they did. They each travelled off halfway between their respective homes… now they'd both carry part of it.

She'd made it to the diner first, sat and wanted to just wait, but she was nervous. She ordered something, hoped she'd actually get around to eat it, even if her stomach was showing itself extremely doubtful. When it arrived, she just stared at it… Not much help.

Then he'd arrived. Her eyes had inevitably gone to the door, every time the bell jingled. Then it wouldn't be him, so she'd return to her battle with the table. This time though, she had found the face she'd been searching for, and her heart did leaps and bounds, trying to understand how it felt and was supposed to feel. But she saw how nervous he was, too, and as much as it was an oddity, his nervousness comforted her, and hers did the same to him. It told them that no matter what happened, this was done with a heavy and breaking heart.

She stood as he approached, they kissed… of course, they'd still kiss… They sat across from one another, and then… silence.

They'd done their best. Their circumstances were beyond them, and despite everything at least they'd tried. They'd done the long-distance thing, and for a while they did think they were making it work. But with days going by, unable to see each other, unable to live a romance which only existed in secret, they were doing all they could… they were living their lives. They were separate, and the contact they did have, so little face to face, unable to travel all the time, only served to refill them with sadness, something their actual lives didn't do.

If they had had more time, to really become more, together, they could have had a chance, but like this… It was just how it was.

They looked to one another, knowing at some point they'd need to start speaking. She looked to the plate in between them, nudged it to him like it would get things going. He took one fry, looked at it…

"Is…" he started, and she looked to him. He looked up, like he'd said one word now and immediately forgotten what the next was supposed to be. He was stuck. Her response to this was to finally take one of the fries herself, the ones she'd ordered and abandoned, and eat it. As little sense as it made, it got motion into them. He ate his fry as well, took another, and she did the same. "I wish…" he shook his head, and she could understand; he had so many wishes in his mind, so many and he had to pick one.

"I'm sorry I haven't come in…" She stopped, realizing she couldn't remember when her last visit was.

"I haven't been to Lima either… not since we left," he shook his head.

"It's not your fault," she promised.

"It's not yours either," he volunteered, and she breathed deep.

"So… are we…" she looked down. She remembered what it felt like, when he'd first looked at her and she saw maybe just maybe he cared about her the way she'd only ever dreamed of. Saying anything that would confirm she was losing him was making her struggle for voice.

"Yeah… I guess we are…" his face had no flush left in it, unable to look up at her. There it was. They'd gone deaf to everything and everyone for a moment. After a while, he'd looked up to her, saw her hold tightly to pieces of self-control so she wouldn't cry. "Can I say something?" he spoke, drawing her attention.

"Please," she nodded and he breathed.

"I hate that all this had to happen to my family. I hate that we have to move again, just when things were getting good. Right now I really hate that things had to end up this way for us," he shook his head. She quietly nodded. "I'm not going to disappear on you," he promised.

"You better not," she shook her head.

"If you ever need anything, I'm only a phone call away, even if we…"

"I know," she managed a small smile. "And you, too." After a beat, she reached in her pocket to pull out money for the barely touched plate. "Right now I think I just need to go home," she told him, getting up. He stood as well, but she shook her head at him – don't follow, not now. So he let out a breath and bowed his head. She looked at him once more before leaving the diner. She would wait until her cab had left the diner far in the rear-view mirror before allowing herself to cry.

These last couple months had meant the world to her, to him as well, she knew. All these things they'd lived together, never experienced before, a lot of times. Despite missed opportunities and broken hearts, the good parts were the ones they would hang on to.

THE END

_A/N: With this installment, the series ends as well :)_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
><strong>**In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
><strong>******always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!******


End file.
